Leaving Scientology is hard to do - but I have to, thanks to Anonymous.

This is going to sound crazy, but I'm finding it hard to leave Scientology. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going back. I can't, not with what I know. Just being on this site, and on xenu.net, Glosslip Radio with Dawn Olsen, Tory Christman videos, Mark Bunker videos, and other sites have woken me up to what's really going on with Scientology. I found some things online like the ANDRE TABAYOYON AFFIDAVIT extremely disturbing. I had a hard time sleeping that night thinking about how an auditor in the Sea Org could actually reverse audit someone to mess them up before they routed out of the SO. How could anyone do that? That can't possibly be Scientology. It's not the Scientology I know.

I've been a Scn for 17 years (but not on course or in session for the last 3 years), so this is a big deal for me. Huge in fact. Life changing. Something to consider is the fact that I didn't have a bad experience that got me upset with the church, or declared, or Fair Gamed, or disconnected, or had a bad ethics cycle, or messed up auditing, or being held against my will on staff, or anything like that. There was no reason for me to leave the church. Over the years I had managed to make it 1/2 way to Clear, and through Pro Metering which was not easy. If I had a lot more time and a lot more money I would have done a lot more Scientology. My intention was to make it up to Class V Auditor and OT3. That was my future most definitely.

But in February 2008 everything changed. I got a very serious email from a fellow Scientologist. It was a link to the church video about the "facts" of the first Anonymous attacks in January. He was emailing everyone he knew to let them know about what was going on, so we could all stand united shoulder-to-shoulder and fight the fight against the SP's who are attacking our church.

It didn't work. It got me looking at other videos and asking lots of questions - all the wrong questions. For whatever reason I was able to break free from the automatic responses that had prevented me from looking for myself and making up my own mind about church criticism.

I saw the church video on YouTube, and then I watched all the other videos there on YouTube including the bad videos from the Anonymous SP's. I wanted to hear what Anonymous was saying so I could make up my own mind, to see if I thought there was any truth to it, or if it was nonsense. I started looking at other sites, and more videos, and more and more. What I saw shocked me to say the least. I could have looked online at any time, but it was the Anonymous protests that got me interested to look in February.

For me (and I'll bet other long-time Scientologists) it's going to take some time. I have a lot to sort out in my head. Scientology has been my "Stable Data" to handle the confusions of life for 17 yrs. Now my Stable Data has been shaken to the core. I find that very troubling to say the least. I can really relate to the "moment" that Jason Beghe has in his video, when he talks about being a past-life Clear. It's hard to describe the feelings associated with that, not that I've had a past-life-Clear moment, but I've had moments where I look back at it all and just wonder what the fuck happened. Was it all a joke? Was it all a scam? Was any of it real? Were my wins real? Was it all my imagination? Was it all mind-control? What's real anyway? Where do I go from here?

To realize that the Bridge To Total Freedom is quite possibly the Bridge to Total Enslavement is hard to describe. And to learn that the OT levels don't work - well that's shocking on a very deep level. To find out that Scientology is filled with mind-control and manipulation is very troubling indeed. To find out how corrupt the upper management is, especially David Miscaviage, is outrageous. It goes on and on. I didn't know any of this until 3 months ago. Ever since then I am obsessed with it, every day learning more online. Like I said, leaving Scientology is hard to do, but I have to, and I'm not completely comfortable with it yet.

________________

If what you say is true then I can only commend you for having the courage to be on the leading edge of waking Scientologists.

My own "exit" (Michael Pattinson's Experiences in Scientology, MPES - View from the end of Scientology's the bridge to total freedom) was hard and extremely stressful, but I am so thankful to be out.

I hope you will find the enormous relief that comes from a final realization of the truth of the situation.

Peace

Michael

More than one person has said that learning the truth was more stressful than they can describe. I understand what you're talking about, even though I havn't personally gone through it. My only advise is to take your time and be prepared for a lot more of those feelings. It's going to be painful, but the truth is still always better than a lie. Find some support, don't do it alone. Call some contacts when you feel ready. Good luck.
Tory Christman
Aka: Magoo!~
Burbank, CA
(818) 588-3044
In for 30 years -Tory Christman
and her website if you havn't seen it, its a good place to start. Magoo's Timeline with OSA

Enjoy life again. Take time. Reward yourself.

We've been expecting you and we're glad you came.

"To realize that the Bridge To Total Freedom is quite possibly the Bridge to Total Enslavement is hard to describe."

Welcome back to reality! Now help everyone you know in the cult have that same realization.

Again, if what you are saying is true then congratulations for getting out of there! *big bear hug* Also, Ex Scientologist Message Board - Powered by vBulletin is where many ex-Scientologists gather to discuss there experience.

Good luck in all you do and we welcome you with open arms.

As a Catholic, I also recently experienced a crisis of faith related to the abuses of my Church's management. I can sympathize with your current feelings; I wish you the best of luck.

Please do contact other ex-Scientologists - this isn't a journey you should have to undertake on your own.

flunkforlaughing, good for you !

Try to find something stable that has nothing to do with Scientology. Friends, family, work, old acquintances, anything. Take a deep breath and leap.
Take some distance. Take a holiday if you can. Scientology is not the world, although it seems so. And talk about it. Everywhere.

Anonymous is here, and although we're not friendly, we do care. But most of us were never 'in'. We don't understand everything. The exscn forum might be more understanding, but in some way, that's still 'in' scientology.

Enjoy, and welcome to the big scary outside!!

flunkforlaughing: ((HUGGGG)) Just take things in small pieces. Too much information all at once, can be so overwhelming. Look into your heart. Keep doing that gut-check and referencing your sense of discernment as you examine both sides of everything. It's not an easy road, but it's your freedom at stake, here. It's worth fighting for. Please do contact Magoo. Like Jason Beghe, she's got the perspective of having been in, and having been out.

It may be scary, and Anonymous may seem scary, but Anonymous is only scary to the management and their abusive and criminal practices. Anonymous welcomes rank and file Scientologists, and recognizes that they've been victimized by Scientology.

If you still would like to hang onto your beliefs, please do check out the Freezone, if that will help you, somehow.

The point is: There are people who care about you, and these are people who've never met you, who would just be happy to help you.

Good luck to you....

((HUG))

Hi flunkforlaughing,
I know what you're feeling. I am an ex-Scientologist and have been for about 20 years. It wasn't until about 3 years ago that I actually investigated the situation on the internet. I was devastated because I always thought I would get back on the bridge someday. But one can't unknow. It's heartbreaking and pretty humiliating when you really start to look. But after you get over the grieving process you get mad. Real mad.

So take some time, keep your mouth shut around other Scientologists for now, and go on ESMB like someone said. You aren't alone. You won't be made wrong for a change.
And there is life after Scientology.

Hugs to you.

Welcome!

Originally Posted by flunkforlaughing

To realize that the Bridge To Total Freedom is quite possibly the Bridge to Total Enslavement is hard to describe.

Eerily this is almost exactly the same sentiment as Scots Ex-Scientologist Shiona Fox Ness, in her letter of resignation she says, "(1) Under RTC control the Church now represents the Bridge to total intimidation, fear and enslavement: not the Bridge to Total Freedom." Here's a link to the full text of that letter- http://skull.piratehaven.org/~atman/factnet/foxres.txt

Thanks for your replies. What I say is true. This is only the second time I am writing about it. The first time was a month ago to Tory on her youtube account. I asked her some important questions and she quickly answered. Tory, I contacted you as "AnotherTruman" if you remember. You probably thought it was a church member messing with you. Your answers were very helpful. Thanks.

I needed to get my thoughts out of my head, so that's why I posted here. I don't have anyone I can talk with that would understand. A non-Scn friend of mine finds it hard to understand what I'm talking about. I'll check out ESMB next.

thanks again.

"Flunk for laughing" is something I heard hundreds of times on course, so that's why I used it as my username. It represents happy times on course. It's not supposed to imply that I don't like to laugh, or others shouldn't laugh, or anything like that.

FFL, I think that's an awesome username, and I'm glad you're in touch with Tory, and in the future, possibly other exes. If anyone understands what you're going through and can help you get it all sorted, it is them. Natural allies.

FFL, the entire system that defined the structure of your life, the bridge,has fallen apart. And a lot of people you care about are probably still in, which gives you fewer people to turn to in your time of crisis. This is how scientology wants it. Stay strong. Never forget the things these guys have done, the lies they have told the people you love.

Help save others as you have been saved. Slide a mask over your face, stand beside us, and warn people.

Originally Posted by ANON E MOOSE

Help save others as you have been saved. Slide a mask over your face, stand beside us, and warn people.

once you've figured your life out.